FOR THE SINGLE CHRISTIAN WOMAN ON VALENTINE’S DAY

Some people love Valentine’s Day; some think it’s dumb. Regardless of where you stand, today I’m thinking of the single gals who lost a love or wish they had one. I didn’t meet my husband until I was 32. So, I have had MANY solo Valentine’s Days. He’s actually my first and only Valentine (which I know sounds sad, but I’m actually really grateful for it). 

If you find yourself in a place similar to where I was, I would encourage you to cling to what I did (and still do) –

The Lord is good and has a sovereign plan over all creation, including your life. His wisdom, ways, and timing are FAR GREATER than ours.

There aren’t enough hours in a day to express the stories I could tell you that prove that in my own life. 

If you believe Jesus conquered death and gave you new life for all eternity (2 Timothy 1:10), how could you not also believe something as small as bringing you a spouse would be too hard? If we believe Colossians 1:17 where is says He holds literally all things together, how could we not trust Him with this area too?

How many times have we prayed for something only to see it not happen, and then as time passed, we are so thankful God chose something else for us? 

Because we know God’s character and His proven love for us by giving up His son to die for our sins, we know He gives us what is best for our life. That may mean a spouse OR not – either way, it is best for us.

We know that “no good thing does he withhold” from His daughters (Psalm 84:11). We know that even in the hardest, most lonely times, our circumstances don’t prove anything but how fallen and broken this world is and how much sweeter eternity will be (Revelation 21:4). We know that our present season of life is a SEASON, and that this season is producing something far better and more beautiful than anything that could have been produced in our best times of life (even when it doesn’t feel like that). (Romans 5:3-5) 

We also know our feelings do NOT equate truth.

As a counselor, I would often remind my clients that emotions are fickle (especially if you’re a woman) and cannot be trusted to paint pictures of reality. We cannot be enslaved to these emotions to dictate our thoughts of God, ourselves, men, our jobs, etc. So incase you need to hear it like I did:

No, you’re not “too broken” to be loved

No, you’re not too fat or skinny, your boobs and butt aren’t too small, and your stomach is just fine

No, your family situation doesn’t impact your lovability

Nope, not even your past mistakes with men 

No, you’re not “too much” or “not enough” for someone to spend their life with you

All of these are lies from the pit of hell and have no value to the truth of who God is and His plans for your life or mine.

When Vday after Vday came and went, and I was still single, I definitely had moments of hopelessness.

But the longer I walk with the Lord and pursue the Kingdom of God in my everyday life, the more I see His faithfulness in the big and the small. 

As Christians, our lives on this side of eternity is one, big adventure of showing the world the goodness of our God! And that will look different in every life and every season of life. The urgency of sharing the Gospel is great. If you’re His daughter, you’re literally holding the answer everyone is searching for – Jesus. 

If the Lord has a husband for you, He WILL BRING HIM. But it’s at His time (which is rarely ours) for reasons we cannot see. But we know His thoughts and His ways are not like ours (Isaiah 55:8-9). And praise God for that! LOL I’m so thankful I didn’t end up with any the guys I dated or had crushes on. I’m SO THANKFUL I waited the (what seemed impossible) years to meet Matt. 

It’s better to remain single with a longing for marriage, than to be married to the wrong guy (don’t compromise ladies!!!!!)

Matt is a better than I could have ever imagined or chosen for myself. I have experienced more love and healing in our relationship than any other experience of life.

God knew what was best for me at His time (which was perfect). 

The thing I did that I would encourage every single Christian woman to do is pursue the Kingdom of God with your life. Spread the Gospel, spend hours reading His word, volunteer and serve at your church. Learn about God and live a life worthy of the Gospel.

I definitely didn’t do those things perfect; however, I met my husband by taking a job in a different state to teach college women about Jesus. I had no idea if this was “God’s will for my life,” but I figured He would want me to spend this life helping others know Him. I truly thought that I would most likely remain single for my time on earth. But then, like many times before, God proved me wrong and four weeks after my moved, I met Matt.

I don’t know if that will be your story, but what I do know is that God has one for you. Every day of your life is written in His book (Psalm 139:16) And in some crazy mix (that we will never understand on this side of eternity) of His sovereignty and our free will, He is working all things together for our good and His glory. Trust in Him always, no matter the season. 

“You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.”

Psalm 16:11

3 months of marriage.

I still can’t believe I’m married, let alone celebrating three months of marriage today! Never would I have imagined the story God has written for my life and/or the events leading up to October 25, 2020 (my wedding day). I met Matt (my husband) in September 2019 after only living in New Jersey for a month. After about two months of friendship and some fun dates, he asked me to be his girlfriend. And after eight months of being his girlfriend, he asked me to be his fiancé. After three months of being his fiance, I became his wife. I know many would say we are in our “honeymoon phase” of marriage, but truly, it’s been the sweetest three months of my life.

MARRIAGE IS A GIFT FROM GOD
I wasn’t sure if I’d ever get married and frankly there were times when I didn’t know if I even wanted to! Once I became a Christian at 24, I wanted to dedicate my life to telling others about the truth, hope, and freedom of Jesus. I thought a spouse could possibly be a distraction. BUT the more I learned about the covenant between God and His people, as well as the beauty and joy of marriage and family, there was a part of me that desired to have that. I grew up in a difficult home with multiple divorces and lots of instability. I hadn’t really experienced what a healthy marriage or family looked like until I started hanging out with families at my church. And after babysitting and dinners at these families’ houses, I knew I wanted those things and that they were good gifts from above. It’s so weird to think that nowadays if you’re a woman and desire a husband and children, it can be looked at as a “weakness” because we are supposed to be “strong, independent women who don’t need a man.” But why? Before I was a Christian, I used to buy into that narrative for a sense of identity and worth, but I was so wrong. I love having a husband and being his wife and cooking, cleaning, and serving him because I love him. He loves me SO WELL and my natural response is to do the same. He is my lover, my protector, and my best friend. He’s my partner in this life to help me, correct me, embrace me, and lead me. He is by far God’s greatest gift to me outside of salvation; marriage is such a gift.

Trust God with a future spouse
Thinking through these past three months, I’ve also been reflecting on the waiting/hoping for marriage season. I’d love to write more on singleness (stay tuned for future blog posts). But I’ll be real and say that it was a rollercoaster at times! FRIENDS, I didn’t meet Matt until I was 32!!! Which I know isn’t as old as I’m making it out to be, but when most of your friends around you are getting married and poppin’ out kids, it can be discouraging. However, I will say if I didn’t have those many (and I do mean many) years of singleness, I don’t think I’d be as close to Jesus as I am, or have as deep of an affection for His Word. Being single gives you a lot more freedom in stewardship of time (which can be good or bad). But during my single years, I am SO THANKFUL I gave much of my time to my church, education, family, friends, mentoring young women, leading Bible studies, mission trips, apologetics, etc. I really think the Lord used those areas to help in my sanctification (i.e. being made more into the image of Jesus). But do you know what else helped in my sanctification? Bad dates and failed relationships. 

Let me tell you, dating kinda sucks in 2019+!!! If you’re reading this and have been married for 5+ years, you may not get what I mean. So let me explain – All the dating apps and websites, the wishy-washy, social-media infused dating experience can be just terrible. If you were sitting across from me on my couch right now, I’d have plenty of stories to tell you, just ask my friends Whitney or Taylor. BUT, to be an encouragement to any single friends reading this, there ARE incredible, godly men (and women) out there! They could be on the dating site, or they could be at your church, but they are there!! Since my job for literally 5 years was to meet people and still did not meet my spouse, I was pretty discouraged. Yes, I was on staff at a church and it was literally part of my job to meet new people at weekend services. For a while I struggled with “There really must be something wrong with me..” But then I would get the confusing question people asked me “How are you still single?” Which gave me some sense of relief that maybe I am normal and it wasn’t my fault. LOL (not joking) But after many heartbreaks and disappointments of falling in love with the idea of someone, I finally started to realize that the answer to how or why I was still single is: the sovereignty of God. 

Proverbs 19:21 – Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.

Proverbs 16:33 – The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the Lord.

Lamentations 3:37-38 – Who has spoken and it came to pass, unless the Lord has commanded it? Is it not from the mouth of the Most High that good and bad come?

Matthew 10: 29-31 – Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.

Yes, I believe it was God’s gracious, loving, perfect plan that kept me spouse-less for all those years. He is my loving Father and no good thing does He withhold from me (Psalm 84:11), and the reality is, if I didn’t have it, it wasn’t a good thing for me at that time (no matter how much I thought otherwise). And although I think I stewarded much of my single years well, there were some very hard times when I felt deep despair and doubt. BUT God being richin mercy kept me close to Him (even when I didn’t feel Him at times). I love Ephesians 1:11-12: “In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to put our hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory.”

So whether married, single, widowed, divorced, childless, or a house full of crazy children – TRUST IN THE LORD ALWAYS. Even when things feel horrendous and out of control and you want to give up, CLING TO THE GOSPEL. Jesus promised to never leave us nor forsake us and as women of the truth, we must trust in the truth of the gospel above everything else.